Lesson 2: Someone to Believe In

Everyone likes to be "believed in".  What does it mean to believe in someone or to have someone believe in you?  People try to explain it by describing it as trust, support, and faith.  Merriam-Webster defines it as "to have a firm conviction as to the goodness, efficacy, or ability of something".  Belief is an elusive concept; one that is not easy to explain.  If it's not easy to explain, how can it be taught?  None of the words used to describe or define it are concrete or demonstrative.  In essence, belief is an abstract concept, yet ask a person why they think a person was important to them and chances are you get the response, "Because they believed in me."

Believing in others is more than just telling someone you believe in them and more than doing something nice for them.  It's a combination of actions, thoughts, and feelings.  How do you interact with that individual?  Do you lend a helping hand, listen to their troubles, ask questions, allow them to grow and develop on their own?  Are you sincere and humble in your interactions with them?  Do you stick with that person through the good times and bad times?

Cheryl exemplified what it is to "believe in" someone.  She embodied all of the traits I mention above and more!  Cheryl was the head of the PE department at college and also the head coach of the local skating academy, and I know I'm not the only person who was blessed to have her in my life.  She was just an awesome person to know and became a good friend of mine throughout the years.  Cheryl is someone whom I try to emulate, but fall drastically short.  I learned many things from her and accomplished a lot with her help, but her guidance was very subtle and discreet.  She let me make my own mistakes and never chastised me for my decisions. 

I couldn't have accomplished what I did alone, or without her believing in me.  She was patient when I made mistakes, allowing me to come to her instead of approaching me first.  She listened when I needed someone to talk to.  Some times she offered advice, other times she just let me talk.  Cheryl had a way of leading people to the correct answers on their own.  She made sure I had food to eat.  Being a poor college student, working my way through school, there were times I didn't eat right;  either I didn't have the time between classes and work, or more frequently, I didn't have the money to eat more than ramen noodles for months on end.  (Hell, I didn't even have money for Quarters at Uphill 41 were beer was 25 cents on Thursdays!)  Periodically, Cheryl would have me over for dinner or invite me out to eat to discuss coaching or the skating team.  It was her way of making sure I was getting a good meal once in awhile.

After I graduated, we kept in touch and I visited a few times before she succumbed to cancer.  She was upbeat and positive, always asking me about what was going on in my life.  On my last visit with her, we had brunch at Kaleva Cafe.  I'll never forget our conversation or what she shared with me that day.  She shared her first impression of me when we first met and told me how proud she was of what I had become.  (Her first thought when meeting me was, "Oh Dear!")  After some laughs and reminiscing about mistakes I made along the way, I told her I couldn't have done it without her help.  Cheryl just smiled and told me, "I didn't do anything.  It was how you handled each opportunity that made you successful."

That one statement, so simple, combined with her current expression and past actions, told me that she believed in me.  She was humble in the part she played. She created those opportunities for me, but never took the credit for them.  Cheryl provided guidance when I asked, never making me feel bad or unsuccessful for acknowledging I needed help.  Under her tutelage, I became a head coach of another local skating club and the assistant director of another,  earning my Professional Skater's Association coaching certification in Free Skating, Synchronized Skating, Power Hockey, and Sports Medicine & Nutrition.  She and I also formed a collegiate skating team, which placed 7th at Nationals two years after it was started! 

I'll never know what made her take a chance on a little punk with her head half shaved and the remaining hair colored pink, green, teal, black, and flame red.  But all her actions, support, help, and guidance throughout the years tells me she believed in me from the start.  Yet, the memories and examples still don't provide an accurate definition of believing in someone. 

To build on Merriam-Websters' definition of belief in someone:  to have a firm conviction as to the ability of someone which is supported by actions, words, and sentiments occurring over a duration of time.   But it still doesn't provide a tangible definition and is open to subjectivity.  If you can't concretely explain it, how can you teach it?  Believing in someone is a concept you can only teach by example through a combination of words and actions, but it's a demonstration that takes time.  These days, it's hard to find someone willing to invest time in another person.