Changing Thoughts, Once Again

Officer Jayme Biendl's memorial service was last Tuesday.  Unfortunately, I wasn't able to attend and show support not only to her memory, but to my friends who worked alongside her.  Her death was a shock to me, even though I never met her.  Several of my friends work with her, and they were very shaken up by the events.  But it also makes me wonder about what happens if James' killers are found guilty next month.

There is no death penalty in the state the trial is located.  I used to think the worst punishment for a 16 and 18 year old was to have them in jail for the rest of their lives, with no chance of parole.  Let them think about their actions for the rest of their lives knowing that they will never see freedom again.  I know from my friends who work in the Department of Corrections that county jail is much worse than prison, which is the only reason I am glad the trial was delayed a month.  But the tragic events of Jayme's death highlighted the differences and really cast a shadow of doubt on my beliefs.  The suspect in Jayme's death is a man who was found guilty of rape three times, and under my state's 3 Strikes rule, received life without parole.  Because of his good behavior, he was downgraded to medium security and was allowed privileges within the prison.


So what happens to the two suspects in James' murder if they are found guilty?  Will they be allowed privileges and freedom to move around the prison unsupervised?  Will they think it's all fun and games and have no cares in the world?  Or will they sit, alone, depressed, reliving the night they decided to take some one's life and wishing they could change their actions?  Of course, I want to believe they will be miserable and relieve the night constantly, feeling despair over their actions and the remainder of their lives.  But I'm not so sure that's what happens.


I am disappointed to have missed Jayme's service.  My friends who worked with her know I wanted to be there to show support to her family, friends, and coworkers.  I remember the morning after she was found dead and the phone calls I received to check on my friends.  Thankfully, when I heard the news I knew it wasn't them because they had been out with me the night before.  But I felt their shock and disbelief later in the day when I saw them.  I wish there was something I could have done for them, but having been there so recently myself, I know all I can do is listen when they are ready to talk and be patient with them as they process their emotions in whatever way necessary.  And the one thing they don't know is how much this event has affected me, my thoughts, and my grieving process.